October's Editorial (2007)

Is it true - are the United States banning coconuts? No they aren’t, at least not as far as we know.

It looks like an apology is in order. It seems last month our lead story about Disney coming to Puerto Plata wasn’t spoof enough. We actually had a number of people telephone us to ask if it was true. Was it that realistic? We don’t think so. It was a spoof story, (gua-gua simulation, live hotdogs, Lyon King, cartoon shareholders, stupid pictures, $300 entry tickets, real pirates) come on guys??

Maybe real news nowadays is just too far fetched, and fake, daft news is more believable?

As far as we know Disney have no plans to open up in the DR. Having said that, by the apparent interest, maybe Disney should consider opening a Dominican Disneyland. So Disney - if you’re reading this - how about it?

And please don’t sue us. We’re all just homeless hobgoblins making an honest peso to pay for our dried snail collections and butterfly sandwiches.

On another entirely unrelated matter - It’s been drawn to my attention that a couple of people don’t like the Gringo Times.
That’s ok - we can’t and never will be able to please everybody. But can I ask those people - please don’t pick up a copy each month. The stands run empty well before the end of the month now, so by picking up a copy of something you don’t like, you’re depriving somebody else of hours of blissfully indulgent pleasure.

Just think about the irreparable damage you are inflicting on those poor unfortunate souls who drive hundreds, possible thousands of miles accross the country, maybe through the Jarabacoa mountains, swim lakes and buy 185 pounds of bananas on the way to collect their longed-for copy of the Gringo Times.

You may have selfishly taken away their one reason to live for that month. Proud of yourself?

Actually, that only means an extra two people will see the Gringo Times. On second thoughts - no problem - go ahead and take one. Just make sure you put it back afterwards!

On third thoughts, we’ll just print more. The printing press was giving me sly look the other day. I’ll give it a thrashing this month - we’ll print 6000!

Editor in Chief and Assistant to the Assistant Marketing Director: Gringo Muttley