May's Editorial (2007)

The Gringo Times is back again, this time with a few extra bits.

I’d like to announce myself as the brand new editor of the Gringo Times as the last one was asked to stand down last week. Let’s face it, I don’t like to kick a man when he’s down, but he was pretty crap!

All this stuff about the Dominican Space Launch caused a bit of a hoo-haa in the local and international community. Leonel’s chief of staff and a bunch of other governmental big-wigs were on the phone the day after we launched and gave us a pretty good drubbing. Apparently there is a Dominican Space program in operation, and now the Gringo Times has alerted the world at large, the government has some explaining to do. So Leonel, if you are reading this, I’d like to take this oportunity to apologise on behalf of the previous editor and all the staff (and all the people who found it funny), and I promise it won’t happen again!

I don’t actually know what ‘s happened to the old editor, Gringo Bailey. Last time I saw him he was sitting at a beach bar, drowning his sorrows in a three pint alcohol-free pina-colada. I don’t think he was aware it had no alcohol in. If anyone out there has a job for a tired out, useless old hack, then you may want to consider him.

Anyway enough dwelling him - in this issue, the lead story on the new discovery in Cabarete might look like another joke – but it is in fact true! The only reason you won’t see it any of the nationals is that the local Ministry for Tourism managed to cover it up pretty well. It’s just lucky that our photographer happened to be waxing his board, and posing for the ladies in the vicinity when the team led by Mr Lark obtained the rare mineral.

The ‘wrap-up’ guys from the Ministry of Defence did attempt to confiscate the camera, but our man at the scene got away clean.

So if there are any budding reporters or photographers out there, and you’d like to link up with the elite members of the Gringo Times, please contact us. Being a reporter here takes a pretty dedicated type of individual, and it’s not for everyone. It’s crucial to remain incognito as you rush down your tenth cubra libre before happy hour ends.

Editor: Gringo Muttley

PS. If you haven’t bought your own copy of Gringo Times – shame on you! Thousands of workers toiled for many years to create this edition, and all they ask for is a little bit of love and respect – and 20 pesos. So drop everything now, and saunter off down to your local supermarket, or any of the other shops and bars that are selling the Gringo Times, and use your 20 pesos to make someone happy!