June's Editorial (2007)

Welcome to the third issue of the Gringo Times and our cover story about the new developments in Sosua. It sure is interesting what our reporters manage to dig up! Obviously we could have had a cover story about the political parties, who’s leading the polls, and other boring stuff happening in the big smoke.. But we like to think we know our readers. In fact our readers are similar to us - they’re people too. And people want real informational type stories, about stuff.

I had a chin-wag the other day with the editor of Listin Diario, and he was of the same opinion. Reading between the lines, he indicated that they were thinking of taking a change of direction with their paper. He said he’d recently written to Leonel asking if the government would fund a space mission to check if Elvis was on the moon. At least, that’s what I think he said, but that’s the problem with reading between the lines. I’m off to see him again next week, so I’ll double-check.

We weren’t able to get confirmation from Trump Towers about the story. But we know that Donald likes to sit down before he goes into the TV studio for ‘The Apprentice’ filmings with a glass of whisky and the Gringo Times. One to sip and the other to read. So if he isn’t the ‘unnamed buyer’, I’m sure he’ll be on the phone to me.

On another note, a couple of readers have emailed to tell me about a new newspaper that’s just started up by our erstwhile ‘friend’ (I use the term loosely), Gringo Bailey. Seems after we sacked him as Editor here, he ran off and started his own paper. Hombre, there must be some law against that?

I rang Rupert Murdoch to see if he had any advice, but Mrs Murdoch kept answering the phone. I don’t like talking to her, so I just said “Sorry, wrong number”, like you do, and put the phone down.

So I urge you, be a good citizen and don’t read Bailey’s newspaper. It’s called ‘The Adscene’ or something. What nonsense! What does the name even mean?

He’s even taken to putting his rag in our nice shiny red stands in the supermarkets – the cheek of it! If I catch him, I have a few choice words I’ll be letting loose.

Allegedly, his advertising rates are a bit cheaper, but so what? Who wants cheap? If I want a car – I want quality, not some cheap Chinese import. Not that I’m saying Gringo Bailey is Chinese – I don’t think he is. And not that I’ve got anything against the Chinese – they’re all really nice people, and I really like their food. Not their toothpaste though.

What I’m trying to say is that quality counts. People look forward to the Gringo Times coming out every month. I was talking to a dear old lady the other day, and just before she died, she looked into my eyes and said with that weak, weak voice and a last little breath the single word, “Medicine”.

You see, in her eyes, the Gringo Times was like medicine to her. It pepped her up when she read it, a bit like Viagra. Not that I take Viagra – so I wouldn’t know, but that’s how people view it.

So when readers see a company advertising in the Gringo Times, to them the company seems like a very successful company, but very caring and responsible, a bit like the Pope or maybe Oprah on a good day. These companies that advertise are building their future. They know that one and one equals eleven, and that monkeys don’t grow on trees.

That’s sort of how I view the world, and I know you do too.

Well, until next time,

Adieu, hasta luego and farewell!

Editor: Gringo Muttley